Pause

So I post about not taking time to enjoy things,and what happens?? I have spent the last month with nothing but time. I have re-reptured my same disc I just had fixed and now am waiting for surgery. Waiting is the key! All I do is lay in bed and try and be comfortable. My back is pretty tender to the touch but the left leg is in unbelievable pain. After finally getting back to the neurosurgeon jami took me over, and it was an eventful day. After a melt down and how much pain I am in the decision was made to fuse my back and see if that will help. So what next that was May 24, I would be able to have surgery at a insurance approved hospital of the 22 of June. Are you kidding me that is 29 days away. Half my summer will be wasted and I have to be back to school full time the second week in August. AAGGH so I was sent home to wait out my 29 days of surgery hoping maybe someone Would cancel their surgery on the 8 th and I would get in earlier. Well her it is the 7th and no word. So I guess I'll continue to wait. Frustrated is probably the best word to describe my mood and attitude. I have missed all the baseball and Kellers first t-ball game. This is my venting post not a putty post but a venting of frustration. Feeling so left out, and alone. I had big plans for this summer. Plans to complete spring cleaning and Christmas break plans to make up since they all didn't get done because of the first back surgery. Well the good news is I am getting lots of reading in. I may get all my books in after all, and I can't wait til everyday at 3 for NCIS to come on. I also have started back Facebook stalking and realized my life really isn't that bad. People air way to much dirty laundry out on it. Thats what blogs are for right! With that being said my family has been fabulous. Jake has becoming Mr. Mom and he is doing pretty good at it. I guess I better thank him, and the boys have pretty much moved in with mom and jami. I actually really miss them. You know how when you are so busy you wish that you just had a few moments to take some time for your self. Well be careful for what you wish for I would love to be busy again. But I'll keep plugging along and hopefully the days will go by quickly. But enjoy your summer, and be as bust as you can and as stressed out as ya can but enjoy that time you never know when it will be gone!

Not Pausing

So my word of the year was pause, to stop and take some time to pause. Well with back surgery Jakes brand new bionic foot, softball, Porter playing ball and going back to school. I don't think that I have had a second to pause. But I still have 1/2 the year to work on it. But this last week I made a decision that will make some major changes in out lives here in P-town. I have decided to return to work full time. Starting next year I will be back to work everyday. I am really excited about this and think it is what is best for the family right now. Keller still has one more year before kindergarten but the opportunity is there and I took it. 

I am really excited for it to come and what it will bring. But with it I will be teaching three new classes I have never taught before. With the new common core coming on it is going to be a lot preparation time. But I am game. I have been ready for summer to get here to slow things down a bit, but if seems like each day I add something new to calendar. I took this picture of my book stack.

These are all the books that I am planning on reading this summer so I am ready to go for school next year. I think that I better get in and get an appointment to help with the reading headaches. Left stack are books to be  better teacher and write are literature books in the classes that I am teaching that we will be using.  Well I am hoping to get through half of them since I am going to take a week long class in June along with the one night a week class that I all ready am taking. I hope that I survive. I am just hoping that I find the magically necklace that Hermone had in Harry Potter so she could duplicate herself and be in two places at one time.

My one Word this year is Pause!!

My word of the year is going to be PAUSE!! Stop once in a while Pause and just enjoy life!! Because you never know when it may turn on you. Every year I look so forward to getting out of January. It is a month I just HATE.. .It is the month that everything bad seems to happen. I would be ok with a 11 month of the year calendar. IT is the month I lost my grandpa, one of our families dearest friends Lloyd, I miscarried my first baby in January and I lost my Father in January. So it is a month that honestly if we can get through it safely I feel good. This is the first time in many years that I actually have wondered where January went. Let me back up a month and half and tell ya why I wonder...All fall I would have to take weeks off from running and exercising for back pain. I would take a week off then run and be in pain, take time off run and hurt. But I handled it with a little Tylenol and advil. But I never just felt good. During Thanksgiving break and start of December if I sat down my left leg by the time I got to 10 would be totally numb. It was very annoying but I dealt with it. So in the middle of December I woke up and told jake in the middle of the night I was probably going to die. I didn't but I sure felt like it. So a few more days of hot baths every couple of hours and heating pads and icing and so much tylenol and advil I decided it was time to go to the dr. By the time I got into the drs office and he asked me to sit, I told him that if I sat I might explode. I had been eating dinner on my knees and as soon as I got home from work or anything I was flat in bed on heating pad. I soon found out that I had a large herniated disc with fragments. I was going to not have surgery and deal with it with physical therapy. Well that came to a quick stop after christmas break when I came home from the first day back at school and didn't get out of bed for 3 days. I have never felt so much pain. But the bottom line for the surgery decision came after a fast of what to do. My pain became so intolerable that I couldn't stand it. So surgery was decided. I was scared for the 3 days I had to wait. I cried, gave Jake instructions on what needed to happen after I died. I new I was going to have the January curse. SO even being administered the medicine for surgery I was giving Jake instructions on how to raise the kids and what he needed to do.
I came out alive, feeling better and so glad I did it. Now I am trying to get back strength and movement. But I am alive. I learned many lesson from this surgery. I know that is why I had the trial I did.

1. I love my husband and children more than anything.

2. I love that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder. I loved the comfort of the blessings I received from husband, brother in law and brother, and father in law over this time.

3. My mother and sister are my rocks and they are the best in the world. They are the McMuffins of sister and mothers.

4. My in laws truly love me and accept me as one of their own. They were fabulous.

5. I have some guardian angels looking out for me in a father, grandpa and a recently lost sweet cousin.

6. I have some great friends who stepped up and brought in dinners and took my kids and did everything that I asked or needed.

7.I have a great family support in grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, not one day have I gone with out someone checking on me.

8. I am prideful and sometimes I just need to drop it and get some help from others. It took a surgery to realize that.

9. I am loved by my heavenly father.

10. I need to pause every once in a while and look at all the blessings I have around me.

So I encourage you to pick a word and see how you do with it this year. I am now pausing with this post cause I am pretty sure you are sick of the ramblings.