Pause

So I post about not taking time to enjoy things,and what happens?? I have spent the last month with nothing but time. I have re-reptured my same disc I just had fixed and now am waiting for surgery. Waiting is the key! All I do is lay in bed and try and be comfortable. My back is pretty tender to the touch but the left leg is in unbelievable pain. After finally getting back to the neurosurgeon jami took me over, and it was an eventful day. After a melt down and how much pain I am in the decision was made to fuse my back and see if that will help. So what next that was May 24, I would be able to have surgery at a insurance approved hospital of the 22 of June. Are you kidding me that is 29 days away. Half my summer will be wasted and I have to be back to school full time the second week in August. AAGGH so I was sent home to wait out my 29 days of surgery hoping maybe someone Would cancel their surgery on the 8 th and I would get in earlier. Well her it is the 7th and no word. So I guess I'll continue to wait. Frustrated is probably the best word to describe my mood and attitude. I have missed all the baseball and Kellers first t-ball game. This is my venting post not a putty post but a venting of frustration. Feeling so left out, and alone. I had big plans for this summer. Plans to complete spring cleaning and Christmas break plans to make up since they all didn't get done because of the first back surgery. Well the good news is I am getting lots of reading in. I may get all my books in after all, and I can't wait til everyday at 3 for NCIS to come on. I also have started back Facebook stalking and realized my life really isn't that bad. People air way to much dirty laundry out on it. Thats what blogs are for right! With that being said my family has been fabulous. Jake has becoming Mr. Mom and he is doing pretty good at it. I guess I better thank him, and the boys have pretty much moved in with mom and jami. I actually really miss them. You know how when you are so busy you wish that you just had a few moments to take some time for your self. Well be careful for what you wish for I would love to be busy again. But I'll keep plugging along and hopefully the days will go by quickly. But enjoy your summer, and be as bust as you can and as stressed out as ya can but enjoy that time you never know when it will be gone!

Not Pausing

So my word of the year was pause, to stop and take some time to pause. Well with back surgery Jakes brand new bionic foot, softball, Porter playing ball and going back to school. I don't think that I have had a second to pause. But I still have 1/2 the year to work on it. But this last week I made a decision that will make some major changes in out lives here in P-town. I have decided to return to work full time. Starting next year I will be back to work everyday. I am really excited about this and think it is what is best for the family right now. Keller still has one more year before kindergarten but the opportunity is there and I took it. 

I am really excited for it to come and what it will bring. But with it I will be teaching three new classes I have never taught before. With the new common core coming on it is going to be a lot preparation time. But I am game. I have been ready for summer to get here to slow things down a bit, but if seems like each day I add something new to calendar. I took this picture of my book stack.

These are all the books that I am planning on reading this summer so I am ready to go for school next year. I think that I better get in and get an appointment to help with the reading headaches. Left stack are books to be  better teacher and write are literature books in the classes that I am teaching that we will be using.  Well I am hoping to get through half of them since I am going to take a week long class in June along with the one night a week class that I all ready am taking. I hope that I survive. I am just hoping that I find the magically necklace that Hermone had in Harry Potter so she could duplicate herself and be in two places at one time.

My one Word this year is Pause!!

My word of the year is going to be PAUSE!! Stop once in a while Pause and just enjoy life!! Because you never know when it may turn on you. Every year I look so forward to getting out of January. It is a month I just HATE.. .It is the month that everything bad seems to happen. I would be ok with a 11 month of the year calendar. IT is the month I lost my grandpa, one of our families dearest friends Lloyd, I miscarried my first baby in January and I lost my Father in January. So it is a month that honestly if we can get through it safely I feel good. This is the first time in many years that I actually have wondered where January went. Let me back up a month and half and tell ya why I wonder...All fall I would have to take weeks off from running and exercising for back pain. I would take a week off then run and be in pain, take time off run and hurt. But I handled it with a little Tylenol and advil. But I never just felt good. During Thanksgiving break and start of December if I sat down my left leg by the time I got to 10 would be totally numb. It was very annoying but I dealt with it. So in the middle of December I woke up and told jake in the middle of the night I was probably going to die. I didn't but I sure felt like it. So a few more days of hot baths every couple of hours and heating pads and icing and so much tylenol and advil I decided it was time to go to the dr. By the time I got into the drs office and he asked me to sit, I told him that if I sat I might explode. I had been eating dinner on my knees and as soon as I got home from work or anything I was flat in bed on heating pad. I soon found out that I had a large herniated disc with fragments. I was going to not have surgery and deal with it with physical therapy. Well that came to a quick stop after christmas break when I came home from the first day back at school and didn't get out of bed for 3 days. I have never felt so much pain. But the bottom line for the surgery decision came after a fast of what to do. My pain became so intolerable that I couldn't stand it. So surgery was decided. I was scared for the 3 days I had to wait. I cried, gave Jake instructions on what needed to happen after I died. I new I was going to have the January curse. SO even being administered the medicine for surgery I was giving Jake instructions on how to raise the kids and what he needed to do.
I came out alive, feeling better and so glad I did it. Now I am trying to get back strength and movement. But I am alive. I learned many lesson from this surgery. I know that is why I had the trial I did.

1. I love my husband and children more than anything.

2. I love that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder. I loved the comfort of the blessings I received from husband, brother in law and brother, and father in law over this time.

3. My mother and sister are my rocks and they are the best in the world. They are the McMuffins of sister and mothers.

4. My in laws truly love me and accept me as one of their own. They were fabulous.

5. I have some guardian angels looking out for me in a father, grandpa and a recently lost sweet cousin.

6. I have some great friends who stepped up and brought in dinners and took my kids and did everything that I asked or needed.

7.I have a great family support in grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, not one day have I gone with out someone checking on me.

8. I am prideful and sometimes I just need to drop it and get some help from others. It took a surgery to realize that.

9. I am loved by my heavenly father.

10. I need to pause every once in a while and look at all the blessings I have around me.

So I encourage you to pick a word and see how you do with it this year. I am now pausing with this post cause I am pretty sure you are sick of the ramblings.

Thankful for what??

This is the month of November... The month that we are all supposed to share with others what we are Thankful for. But yet each year Christmas and that isn't a bad thing keeps taking over and little is done and shared about Thanksgiving anymore. But I am very Thankful this year. I am Thankful for my job and for my home, and for HEATING PADS.. But mostly I am Thankful for family. I am thankful for a husband who some days just rolls with it. The minute he walks in the door I am dragging him to some fundraiser, activity something for the school and he doesn't complain. I am Thankful he is such a hard worker. He goes to work daily so that we can have the things we have.
I am also Thankful for both of my boys.. Each one has his own unique personality. I never imagined what the saying every child is so different could mean. Until I had Porter and keller. They both came from the same mom and dad, but yet so different. I love them both. I love Porter that he is so calm and mild and loves me no matter what. He is a rock to me. Then there is Keller it depends on the moment what he thinks about me. But he is not afraid to tell me what he thinks. I also love how busy he is. He keeps me on my toes. I have to stay one step ahead of him. Which I am usually about 5 steps behind. I love these boys. But I am also so Thankful for my family and their willingness to step in and help me with my kids while the back is struggling. I am also Thankful for all my Aunts and Uncles and cousins. I was recently reminded this past week with losing a dear sweet cousin. What the meaning of Family is.. I have a pretty great family and am thankful for each of them:-).

We all have Greatness..

This weekend I had the Privilege of attending a funeral. When is attending a funeral a privilege. Let me tell ya when.. It is when it is your sister in laws 31 year old little brother. A 31 year old man who had accomplished more in those short years, then most of us in a life time. Brad Barton was the Head Basketball coach for the college of Eastern Utah now known as USU extension. He was an amazing man. I do not believe that I have ever seen such a large funeral. It was held in the Ogden Dee Events Center. The place where he ended his college career. Playing two years for the Wild Cats. Many Thought, kind words, and Bradisms were shared this day. I walked away thinking when I die what will people say about me. I know that after this funeral I have a few things to change and get together in my life. I don't remember the last time I left a funeral feeling the way I did. So proud to have known him, so sad to have lost him, and heart broken for my sister in law, brother and her sweet little boys. They literally lost their super hero. He always had time for them. Each one of his nieces and nephews thought that they were his favorite.
I left the funeral with 3 very distinct ideas that stuck in my head. 1- Tomorrow is a promise to no one. Which is how Brad ended every email that he sent. 2- He also was very famous for saying that we all have "Greatness inside of us; we just need to find it." Which he truly believed in everyone. 3- Is that Brads hero was his parents and the savior. What better heros could you ask for. He had a love for his savior and was proud to tell everyone. What an amazing person. He will be greatly missed by many. Here is a link to a news paper article that someone wrote after interviewing him about some of his coaching philosophy. http://www.standard.net/stories/2011/10/05/barton-went-all-out-court-just-he-did-life#.To0Nfe5tpjV.facebook

LAst but not least Remember EVERY POINT MATTERS!!

Lazy Dayz of Summer.. In my DREAMZ!!!

Where to begin with this summer!! ( Pictures are out of order and I don't care to be honest). So with the mood I am in this summer you can either read and browse the pictures or not I really don't care. Let's start from the beginning of this wonderful miserable summer of mine. It all started the first week of summer. I took off and spent a week in Fillmore with three 8 years and a 3 year old. They were amazing to say the least. They had a blast at golf camp and playing with cousins. But while I was there what I thought was just a little stiff neck turned in to some of the worst pain I had ever felt. By friday my left arm was cradled up like it was in a sling and I couldn't move. By the time I got to the doctors office to have a melt down , and finally get to cry. I ended up with a herniated disc and a bulging one directly bellow. Are ya kidding me!! It hurt then and it still hurts. I am waiting to get into a specialist at the University of Utah for over a month and a half now. To maybe have surgery and another few weeks of PAIN.. Yea ME..

SO that tells you about the start of summer. With that problem in the fore front. We canceled San Diego Trip and decided if we want to do it this summer we better get it done before the specialist on the 21st. So hers is the run down on summer. I have tried to be a trooper and tough it out, but there have been days that I haven't been able to get out of bed. Those are the days for some reason a friend calls to take the boys for the day. I believe Heavenly Father hears those little prayers when you need it. SO here is the quick run down of summer.

The drive in- Yep Keller slept the entire ride down right through the movie and we did get a yawn out of him for pictures though.
Porter finished baseball league the last week in June that was supposed to end in May due to rain outs. What a spring we had..
Keller played T-ball with Ally and Abby. What a riot. Most nights my gut hurt from laughing. Keller has the Whicker competitiveness mixed with the Beck competitiveness. This could be deadly.. But he is fun to watch. He always has to win or we do it ADIN he says.
We spent every weekend we could at Shalom. This picture was actually the last day of June. The snow was unbelievable.. Four wheeler rides with herniated disc= no buieno.. But I wanted the kids to have some fun this summer
Keller went to soccer camp. He loved it and was in with a group of 5-6 year olds. He held his own to say the least. Porter and Drey also went to soccer camp and loved it. Porter missed the first day due to a round of Strep Throat. Are ya kidding me. So while I couldn't move my head or bend. I was trying to take care of a sick kid. It was a treat let me tell ya.
Another week in Fillmore for swim lessons. I must admit if the chance comes to move there I am gone PDQ. I love it there. I love being a round my aunts and uncles and cousins. I love going on a walk and checking on my dads grave every day. There is just something peaceful about knowing it is ok and taken care of. I stay with my Aunt Terri who teaches the boys swim lessons, and they get a lot of special attention. Plus Aunt Terri and Uncle Ross spoil us rotten. She makes the best dinners for us and she won't let me do dishes. It is great.. I usually spend lunch eating with Uncle Ross and he tells me things about my dad I have no idea. I usually either end up crying that I miss him so much or laughing that he did those kind of things. But I love visiting with him keeping my dads memory alive.
So a month of Tennis, soccer camp, baseball, golf, and swimming. I hope the summer has been great because who knows what the out come may be. But the one thing I know is that family is where it all begins and ends. With out them I wouldn't make it I am sure.

Simple Things

What a great day we had Saturday! These to little guys so far have been blessed together baptized together and who knows what other things they will get to have done together. It has been a lot of fun sharing these important days with my little brothers family. It makes for a special day each time.The final day of a week that had non stop jam packed things for me to do each day, turned out to be truly amazing.
It was also fun to get the siblings together and spend sometime together. We may not have it all together but together we have it all. Nothing makes me feel more complete then having my family together to celebrate this special day of Porters. The only one missing was my dad. Which caused me to have a bit of melt down and many tears were shed because of this.
But my mom and Jami made a sign for Porter and Coleman. Just a simple sign caused me so much happiness and tears. As the bishop began conducting the meeting I looked up at that sign not a big deal cute, and appropriate for the occasion. But what brought streaming tears to my eyes is the tie. The ties my mom and Jami used to decorate the plaque I instantly recognized. They were my dads ties.
I thought of him in his suits at church writing my brothers while they were on their missions. One thing that really sticks out with the ties is during the time that dad was ill and still moving my mom would every sunday take the time to tie his tie for him. I never heard her complain about it, I think she actually enjoyed it. But wow a tie brought me to streaming tears. iI still miss my dad everyday, but I know he was there for Coleman and Porters special day and would be proud of them and my siblings and their families and the things that they are doing. But on a happier note I am so proud of Porter for being baptized. I Love this little guy more then he will ever know..