I have reflected these last couple of days of the events of a year ago.
I have been an emotional wreck, and have thought to myself many times did this really happen? That was a very emotional spiritual time for my sibling , grandmother, mother and I. I am so thankful we were all there to share in my fathers last moments on earth.
I have also thought a lot about my mother and grandmother at this time. What must it feel like. To lose your spouse of 30 some odd years. To lose a child. If I ever lost a child I do not know what I would do. Those last few days of loved ones family and friends coming into to say there good byes, He knew. He knew what was coming and as each of these dear family and friends gathered around him and held his hand. They recalled special times with him and he held to them tightly. I remember the night of moms birthday I was leaving to go feed the baby, and remember him not wanting to let go of my hand. So I stayed, I stayed and held my dads hands. What I would give to have his tire stained black hands hugging me, or watching me play ball. He worked with his hands and worked so hard. I miss him so. But I am glad he is able to move and be healthy.
Our family has had a roller coaster of a year dealing with the new life we have. We have gone from mom taking care of almost his every need to free time that we don't know what to do with. I don't think we all realized what a task John was. But we wouldn't change it for a minute. The opportunity that we have to say we helped in taking care of our dad. that the tables were turned and we were able to give a little bit back after all that he had given to us in life. Porter is the one who really still is interested and likes to talk about Johns death. He is always asking me questions about it, and what he looked like. He makes little comments all the time. He almost daily tells me that he misses John. He also told me the other day that after wrestling I said that was really nice of your grandpa J.Dee to watch you wrestle. He then told me that his grandpa John watches him wrestle from heaven. I think that is so true. I also think that if my dad is watching over all these little grand kids. I think that they will be all right. Sorry about the long sappy post but wanted to let out some anger, sadness, happiness and all these millions of emotions that come with dealing with death. I do love and miss my dad so much.
